whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
