just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
