I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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