It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
