I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
