he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
