Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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