you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
