I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
