So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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