I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
