U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
