'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
