Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
