You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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