Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
