But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
