the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
