In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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