But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Houston, we have a squirter
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
