I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
