fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
