I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Randomize
