I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
