Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
