remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
How external is "for external use only"?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
