I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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