she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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