i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I need to align my fucking chakras
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
