she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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