TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Randomize
