I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
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