U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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