two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
cat food counts as protein by the way
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
