Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
