Nicole vs. Life
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
