like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
