I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
