I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
