Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm at about main and main street
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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