My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
