Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
