i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
