so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
