By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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