Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
