grandma shit on top of the toilet
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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