youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
