Whoa Z and x make the same sound
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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