I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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