no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
