Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
