You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Randomize
