Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
