I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
