just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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