I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
