Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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