My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
