Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
