I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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