So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
you will always have a special place in my vag
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
