mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
