I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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