I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
