somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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