my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
