dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
