Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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