god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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