She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Man, jail baloney is awful.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
