I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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