i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
