They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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