I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
