Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
