listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
