so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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