Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
