i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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